It Is What It Is ... Or Is It?

• It Is What It is

The phrase it is what it is has become a ubiquitous saying, a verbal shrug for everything from minor annoyances to major disappointments. It's often deployed as a means of acceptance, and used as a way to acknowledge an unchangeable reality.

But is this seemingly simple statement always true? And more importantly, is it always useful?

At its core, it is what it is points to the immutability of a present situation. In this sense, it's undeniably true. The past cannot be changed, and the present moment, by definition, exists as it is.

If your car has a flat tire, it is what it is, the tire is flat, and wishing it wasn't won't magically reinflate it. If a flight is canceled due to a storm, that's the reality. In these instances, the phrase serves as a concise way to acknowledge an objective fact and move towards finding a solution or coping with the outcome.

Consider these examples:

A sudden downpour ruins your outdoor picnic. Well, it is what it is, you might say, as you pack up your soggy sandwiches. The rain has started, and there's nothing to be done about the weather itself. Your focus shifts to finding shelter or rescheduling.

A favorite restaurant closes its doors permanently. While disappointing, the fact remains that the restaurant is closed. It is what it is helps you accept the reality and perhaps start looking for new dining spots.

However, the truth of it is what it is becomes more nuanced when applied to situations that can be influenced or changed. This is where the phrase can be not just unhelpful, but potentially detrimental. When we apply it to circumstances that are the result of our own choices, or when it’s used to abdicate responsibility or avoid effort, it loses its objective truth and becomes an excuse.

Think about these scenarios:

You consistently arrive late to work and risk losing your job. Saying it is what it is in this context is a cop-out. Your tardiness isn't an unchangeable force of nature; it's a behavior you address by setting an earlier alarm, planning your commute better, or improving your time management. Here, the phrase falsely implies a lack of agency.

A strained relationship with a family member causes you distress. If you simply shrug and say it is what it is, you're ignoring the potential for dialogue, compromise, or seeking therapy. While you can't control another person, you can control your approach to the relationship and your willingness to work on it.

Your finances are consistently in disarray. Blaming it is what it is for a perpetually empty bank account sidesteps the fact that financial habits, budgeting, and earning potential can often be improved through conscious effort and learning.

Ultimately, it is what it is is a phrase with a dual nature.

It's true when it acknowledges an unchangeable reality, helping us to accept circumstances beyond our control and move forward. But it becomes false and even harmful when it's used to avoid responsibility, shirk effort, or ignore opportunities for positive change.

The key is to discern when a situation truly is immutable and when it's simply challenging. When faced with a difficult circumstance, ask yourself, is this genuinely out of my hands, or is there something I can do to influence the outcome?

If the answer is the latter, then it is what it is might be the very thing holding you back.

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